Last year, at 42, my AMH was 0.9. I did two cycles at a clinic in Bangkok and eventually ended up going the surrogacy route. Looking back, what drained me the most wasn’t the stimulation cycles — it was the surrogacy contract and the dead time in between each step of the process. So today I’m laying out the entire timeline, with real numbers, to save you some of the pitfalls I hit.
Before Starting IVF at 40: 23 Days of Testing
A lot of people assume that IVF at 40 means you just show up and start your cycle. When I first arrived in Bangkok, the clinic scheduled a full 23-day workup: AMH, hysteroscopy, thyroid panel, plus sperm DNA fragmentation testing for my husband. The day the results came in, the doctor told me point-blank that my uterine environment wasn’t suitable for carrying a pregnancy myself and recommended third-party assistance. Honestly, I was stunned in that moment. Only later did I learn that the live birth rate for self-carrying at 40+ is barely over 10%, while a surrogacy route with donor eggs can reach 60% or higher.
Actionable tip: If you’re also 40+, get your AMH and uterine evaluation done at home before you fly. Don’t wait until Thailand to find out there’s a problem — otherwise your flights and hotel money are wasted.
From Stimulation to Frozen Embryo Transfer: 4 Months, 2 Cycles
My protocol was mild stimulation to bank embryos. The first cycle retrieved 6 eggs, 2 made it to blastocyst. After a month and a half, I did a second round: 5 eggs retrieved, 3 became blastocysts. In total I banked 5 blastocysts, all sent for PGT testing — 3 came back normal. From the first stimulation to completing the frozen embryo transfer evaluation, it took 4 months in real time.
The frozen transfer itself is not difficult: 14 days of endometrial prep, and the transfer on the day takes about half an hour. But at 40, banking embryos is the main game — the quality variance from a single retrieval is just too big.
Practical advice: Confirm with the clinic whether blastocyst culture and PGT testing are priced per embryo or as a package. My bill had a misunderstanding on the testing line alone that came to nearly 30,000 baht.
The Surrogacy Contract: 11 Days of Lawyer Revisions
This is the step most likely to get glossed over. The contract went through 4 drafts, and I focused on three things: how health risks during the surrogate’s pregnancy are allocated, embryo ownership and disposal rights, and the compensation clauses if the surrogate breaches mid-pregnancy. In the version the agency first sent me, the language about who covers costs after a miscarriage was vague. I had an independent local Thai lawyer revise it clause by clause — that step alone took 11 days.
Remember: don’t skimp on the lawyer. It cost me around 40,000 baht, but the contract is the only thing you truly hold in your hands when you’re overseas.
Actionable tip: Before signing, require the agency to provide the surrogate’s psychological evaluation and obstetric history report. If they can’t produce both, switch agencies.
How Long Does Surrogacy Take? My Answer: 14 to 18 Months
The question I get asked most is how long the whole surrogacy journey takes. Counting from when the plan is confirmed: 4 months to bank embryos, 2 months to match with a surrogate, 1 month for contract and legal process, then a pregnancy counted at 38 weeks after a successful transfer. That adds up to 14 to 18 months, and any single hiccup pushes everything back. I know one couple whose surrogate’s first transfer failed, and waiting for a second match cost them another 3 months.
Here’s a rule of thumb: if an agency tells you that you’ll definitely be holding your baby within 12 months, they’re almost certainly selling you a fantasy. Build buffer time for every stage into your own planning, and set your mental expectations generously — that beats everything else.
Looking back, the biggest enemy of IVF at 40 isn’t age itself — it’s the idle time between steps. My advice is very concrete: finish your evaluations at home before departure, have an independent lawyer review the contract, and budget your timeline around 18 months. Do these three things and you’ve already avoided the detours most people take.